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For as long as she can remember, Lucie has always been somewhat chubby, and on the short side for her age. And when she was younger she didn't think much of it, and neither did anyone else. It just felt normal, and nobody treated her like a fat girl.
But as she got older she noticed that the people she had always been around at school were thinning down and getting taller, maybe losing weight, but mostly just growing up. And she wasn't getting much taller, wasn't thinning down, and ended up feeling just like a short, plump, thirteen year old girl - the fat girl.
And then things began to go downhill. Things got so bad, so fast, that it surprised and shocked her to be walking down the street and here people say things about her, call her "fatty" or other names, or give her strange looks.
Of course school was where she spent most of her time and that is where the teasing and name calling really got out of hand. She would be called "fat," and "unattractive" right to her face, and this really got to her. She got sad, depressed and low self esteem. Depression too a tole on her and her overall mental health declined. And she wasn't really overeating.
She was having trouble with her weight, and couldn't fit into the clothes she really wanted to be wearing. It also got in the way of the friendships she had had for so long. She felt like she couldn't communicate with her friends honestly and wouldn't let herself do things with them that would put her out there for ridicule and bullying. Like if they asked her to go to a pool party with them she would always reject it and make an excuse not to go. She was too self conscious to put a bathing suit on in front of anyone she knew, especially her classmates.
It got to the point where she truly hated her own body. She has stretch marks and so she has changed the way she dresses, always bundling up in big bulky clothes, even in the Summer. And she never goes swimming or to the beach anymore like she used to.
Autumn and Winter are her favorite seasons, of course, because it's natural to cover up more and wear larger clothes. It makes her feel safer going out like that, and it's true, she doesn't get called the fat girl as often in those seasons, and not as many weird looks.
But no matter what the season, when she's around people at school she still feels weird and uncomfortable - so tired of being the fat girl - they all are wearing skinny jeans and little skirts and t-shirts while she is out and about with baggy leggings or jeans and big long sleeved t's or hoodies. She's hiding inside her clothes really, just to feel a little more comfortable out with kids her own age.
She's tried a bunch of diets and weight loss approaches, but it's really hard to stick with them because every time someone calls her the fat girl or some other mean name, she just goes back to the food as a comfort.
With exercise too she has had a hard time because she has pretty bad asthma which makes it difficult to breathe and then her frustration, and how tired she is from all the dieting and exercising, she'll just break down, and then that makes her asthma worse, and it just goes around and around.
Lucie's mom has been an amazing help and support, and really comforting, and helps her stay and feel strong and positive. But lately it's been harder and harder to stay positive. She kind of hates herself sometimes and is so tired of being the fat girl. Discrimination.
It's hard, and the name calling continues and some days are harder than others. BUT, ultimately, Lucie knows that she will lose the weight someday, and she knows that staying positive, and trying hard all the time, will pay off for her. So that's what she is going to do!
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