This video is about how to spot the narcissist immediately so you don't get sucked into another abusive cycle. This one thing will tell you everything.
This is a commentary on the book, "Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie. If I could go back in time I would give this book to my past self in order to avoid further abuse and the loneliness of having to figure it out on my own.
This book is a must-read in Stage One of the recovery process after narcissistic abuse.
Meredith’s book THE JOURNEY: A Roadmap for Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse — http://bit.ly/TheJourneyMM
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor — She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal after abuse and transform your life. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. She recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and understands these dynamics extensively in order to help you with the Complex-PTSD, especially in the early stages of recovery. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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WOW so on point for me my new friend is boomig me with help same thing i think? I had hip replacement one lady helped then to my apt kept inviting herself now someone else is sick she moved on but invites herself when his family helps now a new guy trying to help me with m dead from cold car he is really lonely i told my boundaries i only am interested in friendships not relationships as i like being alone so far he is respecting it ...but too i was isolating myself till i smarten up but an operation and winter and now walking the halls they are there waitng lol or finding me. Granted I needed help at first till it became help for her then the second one i dont know enough yet just down the hall. scary. Guess I will be labeled the bitch by spring thaw if i have to impliment my boundaries my inn home hose keep already called me that for telling her to not be on her phone if she asked me to read something to her!!!! Gonna start saying MRS BITCH thank you
This video makes me sound like a narcissist because I have decided to give compliments even if I only mildly like something, for example a nice clothes a colleague or even a complete stranger is wearing. I decided to do that because I believe a little compliment here and there can lift spirits and improve confidence and we could all do more positivity in our lives. It is sad that sometimes I freak the other person: they get scared wondering why I said that and what I want, when I really don't want anything. It is like a wide smile makes other people give way more efficiently than showing aggression. (Tried and tested method when I'm in a hurry.)
A narcissistic woman abused me for 3 years. I understand NPD now. I understand that she lacks insight like character disordered people do and there's nothing anyone can do about that. But I I've yet to heal. Narcissistic abuse is the gift that keeps on giving.
This guy I dealt with recently was not as ostentatious as all this. But the dynamic was the same. It was maybe “light love bombing.” He’d say very few words about anything tho, and not really text or call, and he totally avoided discussing where I stood or where this was going or how he felt about me—like being intentionally vague really—hiding—evading—and avoiding even going out on a date for coffee even—as if he were utterly stalling—but would flirt and act very much like the ideal potential boyfriend and show a lot of interest. But he would see me almost daily in person at work. He was totally using intermittent reinforcement and withholding. He got me really to chasing him somewhat—at least emotionally. And I had done enough work on myself to be like woah no. But then he’d come back around making me turn to jello. And we had been friends for awhile by then (work situation). But as soon as I would reciprocate, he’d withdraw. And ya know, there was just enough sexual innuendo tho and above board cutesy touching and joking around etc. Then I confronted him and said get in 100 and take this somewhere or just forget it. Cuz I realized that I was having a lot of highs and lows with my emotions. He lied by omission tho and got me to fill in all those blanks with any and all I could imagine or come up with as to what is this and why that etc. But a few months went by and this back and forth and hot and cold went on maybe like half a dozen times. Finally I was like forget this. I didn’t even so much as send a text saying forget you and forget this shit. Etc. Sure enough he comes back around trying to chat with me. But now I’m very indifferent and like meh whatever. I have to sometimes work with him for awhile yet, so I am sure he will be trying to Hoover all over the place. 🙄
Later I watched a video about narcs who use the withholding of affection or your wants or even sex rather than the opposite tack of moving too fast and plying you with verbal flattery. It makes sense, but what it looked like was a rather normal guy who was trying to really get to know me without the pressure of sex. But at the same time he also made me crave all of the above and totally obsess over him for awhile (on and off) by highly stimulating my emotions and by always withholding what he could see I wanted the most. It was like watching a really gripping thriller movie and really getting into it and getting all invested in it and then someone cutting the show off right before the climax or the reveal of who done it and just taking off leaving you hanging there extremely frustrated. And it was by the end a pattern that happened over and over, each time letting me see just a tad more—but never the end and never any satisfaction. It was very sneaky and slow motion and subtle. And each time I said I’m done—forget this, he’d come back with just enough hope or promise to keep me hooked. But never more than the bare minimum. I couldn’t believe I fell for it tho for that long. But anyways. I know it’s long, but maybe it can help someone else who finds themselves suddenly frustrated and emoting all over the place and confused.
I don't understand how you are distinguishing pathologies such as narcissism and psycopathy, from the natural course of a relationship. Most relationships start out with the couple flattering each other because they have the spark of attraction, and gradually this fades over time, after the initial honeymoon period. Furthermore, most relationships involve arguments where some 'cutting remarks' may be said. This is normal. I think that diagnosing this pattern as a pathology is unwise.
I understand that it is psychologically comforting to consider your partner as the one at fault, as a narcissist or even, god forbid a psychopath, because this places the onus of responsibility on them and absolves you from blame for any difficulties in the relationship. However, I do not believe that playing the victim and assuming your partner to have a mental pathology is a good way to go. A better way, might be to look inwards and consider whether you yourself did anything to contribute to the relationship breaking down, or alternatively, you could simply accept that sometimes, the fit between two people in a relationship just isn't a good one, and move on.
The patterns of narcissistic abuse in relationships are very different than in normal relationships. The book Psychopath Free describes the patterns of narcissistic abuse in relationships very clearly. If it doesn't resonate with you or you feel it's the same as regular relationships, that means you haven't been in a relationship with a manipulator. To those who have been, that book is a sanity-saver and understanding the patterns of narcissistic abuse is very important to not fall into another one.
Narcs caution!!!! your going to meet the wrong person, & when they find out you have done all these evil & malicious things intentional!!!! You may just end up dead🤷🏽♀️ And that’s the truth!!! Not everyone can handle the poison this douche has dished out!!! It’s pretty sad
HA!!! I recently had a run-in with a person at work who was doing this same thing over the past couple years. They got very impatient and tried this desperate lock down thing and I stopped talking and walked away. I completely ignore this person now and I never see them around. The flattery was something I didnt put much value on. The interaction wasn't constant. Then BAM, the snake tried to strike. I feel so much better now to see that Im not getting sucked in anymore. Before I would have rolled and had all the fake guilt thing there was something wrong with me and I would have tried to appease. That is gone now and I couldn't be happier! All the hard work is paying off. Never thought I would see this for myself.
My Narc sister seriously looks in pain when she forces out a compliment to anyone. And, her voice changes and sounds so bizarre and cringeworthy fake when she forces out the complimentary statement.
It’s like it takes a tiny piece of her built up facade and armor to give a compliment.
Evolution, not revolution. Much of the narcisism comes from generations of abuse in dark human times. We are fortunate to be able to do this work because of a certain stability. Revolution is like a reset button with too many unpredictable outcomes. After all, many we love are narcicists.
Took me 13 years to work it out .... what a dick !! Lost my house , a fair bit of money , most of my possessions , dignity, personality , my daughter & nearly my job ... but I snapped the fuck out of it & moved on with who I think is a ' normal ' woman
I have read a lot of information about it. and mostly the same info comes up. but this is new and really interesting. when I think about my expieriences I can rely on it. thank you very much for sharing this with us <3
Oh Meredith, I think you are so correct here! Absolutely! This is their beginning!
I meet so many female narcs that I am barely able to make friends since going no contact 61 days ago. But I can live with that. More time for me to grow on my own.
I got rid of one I knew for 50 years. Talk about covert, I saw signs but with knowledge, I was better able to know positively.
I got a hoover from her with tiny gifts and with total calm and stealth reasoning, I cut her off. She wanted phone contact and I told her that my phone stays off. She drove 25 miles back to her home and I have not seen her for 30 days.
Knowledge is power.
After studying psychology both in school and out, and watching videos online and reviewing my life and relationships. I am going to remain single the rest of my life and for the first time this truly makes me relieved and secure and happy. People are too screwed up and I want to enjoy life and just work on myself and take care of myself. I should have done that from the moment I managed to escape my dysfunctional family. I never realized that someone from my background is incapable of ever finding a trustworthy mate. I did manage to raise a successful daughter who is now a happy healthy mom and loves her mate. I am happily forever single.
Excellent Video!! For ALL!! It’s All about Them!!! Then they’ll use all that fake flattery n gifts n time they shared w u against you to break you down to control you. Or if you’re not down with their insistence they will ignore you! So that’s when u ask yourself.... do I need this? Stop caving into your loneliness that’s what they are preying on!!! Ppl are alone bc they need to be to grow and learn!! It’s a blessing so you can actually have what you’re praying for!! Again excellent succinct learning tool/video!! Not drawn out and filled w just dialogue!! Hit the nail right on the head from beginning! So sharing!! And Thank You!!! These ppl out here will swallow you whole if you’re not aware or allow it!!
This helped me immensely when I was trying to figure out why I was feeling strangely filled with anxiety when I met a woman that ticked a lot of positive boxed. However, as I realized that there was something wrong (had my battles with a woman ticking all the BPD boxes the past which made me think first).
The new fling seems to be much more covert and I could not quite put my finger on it until I listened to this advise.
I can't imagine a narc having the staying power to keep the lovebombing mask on for years. I doubt that happens much. I was highjacked by one of these parasites for a decade and a half, and the lovebombing was more like a few months. They get bored easily, remember.
Although it is true the narcissist wants someone who takes responsibility for providing narcissistic supply, it is important to recognize that it is also essential to take responsibility for the impacts of your behavior if you want a healthy relationship. The pathological need to avoid responsibility is, in fact, a symptom of narcissistism.
The Nex has new supply 30yrs younger than him with 4 kids. After 6months he bought a huge house to imprison them in. I feel for those kids...hopefully they have a good father or family member who can help them escape. The mom .. well honey you made your bed ..karma's a bitch. You knew he had a GF but you allowed him into your life.
If they do it with you they'll do it to you!
THANK U FOR THE RED FLAG
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creepy; compliments felt strange mixed with religious terms & I see religious abuse too, now- but I excused it because tho I knew she was on meds & had mental diagnosis, she was an older Christian "friend" with t.b.i. & short term memory loss.. a long time friend of my sister's & I would help her periodically over the last yr. I do not go to their church & withdrew from a home Bible study & told them I did not agree with everything being taught in the book. At one time she became very angry with me for choosing my own church fellowship. I assertively pointed out that I believe her anger was from her disappointment from her own self-imposed expectations of me. Thankfully, my sister who also works as her aide, understands the importance of not meddling so is not too easily sucked into monkeybusiness of triangulation. Just before Christmas, this older woman anticipated that I will soon be working with her estranged sister's best friend; she seemed teary, angry, fearful of what I might find out or that we will "share notes" & jealous, yet bitter over whatever losses suffered between them. I tried to reassure her of professionalism on the job makes no allowances for such discussions.. A few days later when she asked for my 21 yrold's cell, I refused & said I would tell her she wanted to talk. Later same day, she called angry & told me not to come for Christmas, have a nice life & hung up on me. I sent a few txts saying none of my friends treat me that way, that she would be upset if I took that from a significant other & that she was no longer in my friend zone. & see ya next yr! when she half heartedly apologized mixed with more accusations with words like I "could come for Christmas if I could behave myself" & that I "was cycling & hadn't started work yet" (No bike here! haha.) & tho she said "sorry for the comment about Christmas" she didn't accept responsibilty or accountability for her actions.. I responded by declining Christmas dinner, & refusing her lame apology & said I prob wouldn't even visit their church tho I had considered a talk with a new pastor they got (remember, my sis attends there too & teaches; I had previously made them verbally aware I no longer believed the same as they do; word of faith teaching from many yrs ago not from their church tho my sis still ascribes to it)
yrs ago i left an addict husband of short term marriage; had a narcissistic boss at work a few yrs ago; had parents that were from acoa roots.. didnt see this coming in church circles with Christian terms & love & forgiveness being promoted but will ever be more aware! Thank GOD for eyes to see; wisdom to withdraw & pray; heart to discern what to surrender to GOD & when to move on.
Took me 10 years. And I think only I still know, his own parents or friends have no idea. I realized at one point he had zero interest in what I did with my art. I told him and showed him a lot but he never asked what I made. He did flatter me when I showed proudly what I made but if I simply told him I made something, he wouldn’t have cared to ask. It’s one of the things added to the big list, but they were all so subtle. I admit, he was good at it. Even now I sometimes am confused even though I can check off everything on the narcissist lists and include examples. It’s insane how someone can get in your head and even máke you lie. One thing is sure: I have learned a lot these past two months.
Hindsight 20/20. I remember all the flattery that got me into this mess. It felt so good to be valued. It was what I needed because my dad never gave me any love and I felt I wasn't worth anything. I guess that's what narcissist need...a wounded soul.
Hola Meredith! Tengo viéndote desde hace 6 meses videos y actualmente leo tu libro TRAVESÍA. Realmente quería expresarte mi mayor gratitud amor y respeto por tu trabajo. Me ah encantado acerté encontrado cuando termine con el papa de mi hijo. Tu trabajo me a ayudado muchísimo en esta travesía y lo sigue haciendo. Estoy ansiosa por el nuevo canal en español ahora en el 2019. Mil gracias por existir y hacer que cada día abra mis ojos a la realidad y verdad. Besos abrazos y bendiciones! 💕💕💕
as an empath i never dated such a person considering i have dated many women in ones lifetime and let me tell you from my experience that these people can serious damage to a person,,,took me a very long time to get my soul back,,,the sad part is,it was all genuine from my heart.
I did expect my fiancé to flatter me because he stopped doing it....but he was a love bomber in the beginning, and he stopped and also was no longer in love with me. I don’t think that’s the same thing
What's with the way they look at you? I am addicted to it. I thought it was like two souls talking without words but now that I've been involved with 4 narcissists in a row (over a decade) I realize it's one of their signs. But I love it. What IS it? It feels like the vampire stare that puts you into a trance and pulls you in. Am I alone in this one or is this a thing? The most disturbing part is that I heard it's the predatory stare; disturbing because I keep mistaking it for something else.
I keep asking how to get help when one of the narcisistic stalkers flying monkeys is the manager/administrator of the elderly/disabled apartment complex where I live, and she's been used by both of them. She's now told me that i 'harass or badger either of them in any way, I will get a legal notice' So, how do I handle the situation now?
Ok . You won’t know a narc off the bat .. you literally have to spend time with these people sometimes it takes months maybe even a year with them . And that’s when shit changes and the you find out who they are .. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ I found out years into my ex relationship what her motives where and it was too late and I was hooked by then and kept chasing her back every time
Do they often bring up their past relationships when they are in conversation with you? Is this in order to get a reaction or make you jealous? I recently ended a relationship with someone I suspect is a narcissist and I remember he used to mention his ex gf almost every day, saying she stole from him bla bla bla.
I agree with you about taking your time. It’s pretty scary out there when your back into socialising, mingling and dating. The fact that the covert ones can go undetected for so long is very frightening. Although, you will see the signs given enough time. They will reveal their true nature.
One guy I was seeing didn't enjoy any activities even though it was he who suggested them. We went to several movies and within minutes he was bored and wanted to leave. We went to see Trainspotting and I was in hysterics. He asked "whats so funny about it"? In that negative hang dog tone. He was bored at bars and putting me down and ignoring me, but got really annoyed when I chatted to other people and the barman made me laugh. My BF said "Don't encourage him for Gods sake". He flirted with other women in front of me in a very obvious way. He made fun of my age - I was 37 and he was 48! His sense of humor was rather bitter. He was mean with money while I paid for many dates - dinner, drinks and clubbing till 5am. When I was broke once and he wanted to go out, he bought me one lousy drink and a slice of stale pizza. I was mad!
Narcs and psychopaths get really angry when you try to slow things down in the early stages. They use guilt tripping and emotional blackmail. I'm always more cautious and like to take things slowly when I first meet someone I like. They don't. They want instant commitment and to take up all your time, squeezing everyone else out of your life.
FYI... Everyone has some narcissist attributes. There are basically two kinds. The first are their own god. The second are open to wisdom from others.
An example of both toes are the two Kings
King Saul and King David
King Saul was the one who actually thought God was there for him to use. He was self righteous and looked good in public. His worse mistake was he couldn't handle that he was not God.
King David was a servant of God but he had a little problem with wanting what was not his... He also behaved narcissistically... After he committed the horrible deed he was confronted by God. In an instant he came to his senses and realized his mistake....
Jesus said that the narcist King David was the man after his own heart. Now you know why.
When the narc turns on you and begins to punish you it just seems to be the most insane thing to me that anyone, even a severely disordered person can think that anyone is going to try harder to make them happy when they are treating that person like crap.
This was helpful and I can clearly see how I was set up from childhood to believe this was normal behavior.
Wow, it has taken so, so much time and effort to begin unraveling the layers and layers of the web that has been my life.
I really appreciate you Meredith. You always share such great information. Thank you.
#lovebombing feels so awkward and wierd, especially with slick-tongue fast-talking narcs. But I have only experienced indirectly through friends who were dating narcs or fiends of friends who were narcs so they were already making snide passive-aggressive comments towards me, even though they didn't even know me. But I will definitely watch out for excessive flattery and love-bombing. Sad and disgusting that these people are just wandering free like vampire vultures looking for emotional prey.
Hey. Iwas dating a covert narcissist. She was very nice on the outside but wasnt so nice for me. I didnt know what was going on until i dumped her and felt like shit so i started looking for clues until i found this narc shit. I have a question. One day after a disagreement and a fight she suddenly said: "maybe i need therapy". I quickly responded: "no u dont just start believing in me, i love u". Now after we have been distant for 1.5month im thinkin if i should call her and say what i know? Maybe she acknowledge it and decide to get help. I cant live knowing i could help her and i didnt. Any advice?
Yea my dad does what your talking about, I always ended up going to what I was comfortable with when it came to relationships, and I’ve done the best thing and don’t talk with these people. Not even trying to be in a relationship now, I’m kinda ok with it to. I got an r.v go to the beach when I’m off work, do what I want. I found a good friend that has the same background as me. Guess u can call him a mentor/business partner.
Grooming is almost the same but wont let you to say NO like is you say no they will clam to die you might think so? But for little kids somone dieing becuse of you its a BIG deal you think thats how the get you ! Listen to the red flags in your gut!
Best advice ever!!! Take things slow. My boyfriend pretty much moved into my place without any discussion and I didn’t know he was hiding contact with his exes and getting gifts from them. He’s lied and I’ve found out he’s cheated on his exes too. I wish things started off slower but I was never taught proper boundaries
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